If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
His hands were made for my vagina.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
