Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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