i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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