i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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