i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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