Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
