Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
