You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
