I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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