Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
