I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
