Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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