She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
