I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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