Soap is not a condiment
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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