PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
