So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
