i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
