Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize