apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
