eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
