I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
