Rock
Scissors
Fuck
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
