it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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