The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
