Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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