weddingsv make me drug and hornr
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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