fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
