She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
