Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
