What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I seem to have left my pride at pride
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
