I just gift wrapped bread.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
