Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Randomize
