my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
