I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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