remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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