I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
