I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
