Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
