Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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