I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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