yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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