How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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