look no pants
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
