I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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