i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
