bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
