Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Four minutes until I can fart!
why do cheetos always look like penises
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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