My room smells like vodka and shame
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
