Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I did not marry a roomba.
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