I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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