What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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