How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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