He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We left an ass print on the piano.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
