Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
no more duck duck goose at the bar
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize