the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
