ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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