why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
