did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
