you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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