I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize