is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize