I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
it was like having sex with a tree stump
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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