And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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