it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She needs sedatives and a leash
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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