I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
