god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
