this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
