U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
