I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
