she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
