who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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