I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
