My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
