Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
