Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
