So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
