**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
