Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
