we have officially lost it.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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