Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
