What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
